Megan is Missing a review of sorts

Well we heard about this movie called "Megan is Missing". The premise is based on actual events. With some poetic licence and adding several cases together. So we saw somewhere someone we knew watched and it freaked them out. So we first went to see the synopsis online. The write up said its a horror movie with some open talk about blow jobs. That there was a rape scene you didn't see anything but her face and his hands. So they made it sound pretty tame honestly. 


The truth though. There were 2 girls. Megan you only know goes missing and not what really happened to her. There are 2 fetish photos that were allegedly found online that were quite disturbing when you consider the age of the girl. Then the second girl who is Megan's friend disappears and all of what happens to her was put on video using the cam she got for her Birthday. The rape scene though shows very little gets the point across in a disturbing way. The reason I guess it was so disturbing to me is one it wasn't some glitzy glam movie. It was more alas Blair Witch Project. 


What was also a little shocking was how openly sexual these 14 year old girls were. How the blow job described was actually in many ways non consensual. This movie made me want to cry. It was pretty horrific. The end was almost to much to take. If you come across this movie its not suitable for children in my opinion. This movie takes TTWD and perverts it and it really shook me up I guess. Which is why I am blogging about it.  

Be careful what you wish for.

So I walked around pouting in my last post. Then we talked and I felt better. That was that I figured. So the next morning. I get up business as usual. Still being complacent on the whole grounded thing. When surprise surprise he decided he didn't like complacent. He took the belt to my ass (the belt I thought was safely tucked away in our little hide a way). Then he informed me no blog til I changed my attitude. 


48 hours isn't bad lol. I am back to blogging. I am so playing catch up with what everyone wrote. I seriously missed it. Think I might be a blogging addict already. 

A Virtue...

Patience is a virtue. Sadly I am not all that patient. We did  talk and I do feel silly. Sometimes walking around trying to guess what the other person is thinking just doesn't work. You have to ask out right. Walking around in a pouty mode solves nothing. 

So after we talked I realized sometimes things just happen and plans change. I just sometimes wish I could be notified of said changes lol. We often joke we share the same brain. We often answer the same questions with the same answers at the very same time. We aren't always in sync though. So communication is still always key. I do feel better after talking and he said its never wrong to say what I am feeling. We both have a perspective. The key is to listen to the other as well.

While we were talking I also mentioned to Daddy I joined the Spanking Bloggers Network. He asked me " Does this mean there will be a line at the door waiting to spank you now?" My reply was "Oh the first one should be here Tuesday." lol. 

Pouty...

That's how I feel today. Just about ready to trip over my bottom lip. It's not a pretty sight at all. Things tend to get side tracked for real life. I am feeling like I am again asking to much of him while he has 100 things on his mind. 

Maybe that's my problem not his. Sometimes I hang off his every word. He will say something in passing that will quite honestly make me perk. Then I tend to think about it all day. Then my expectations get the better of me. When it doesn't happen I start to question everything. Well what did I do now to not get what you said you were going to do? I don't remind him cause that actually feels awkward. Did he just get caught up in other things and forget? Was he just kidding with me and I  put to much into it. I guess my biggest issue is honestly I don't deal with confusion. It also doesn't help that I don't often communicate my needs with any real clarity either. 

This is where I wind up lol. Pouting because I feel like I missed something somewhere. Something has escaped me. Oh well back to work I go pouting while I do. I am sure we will discuss it and I will wind up feeling silly. 

Bah Humbug

The Christmas season is upon us again. I loathe Christmas honestly. The whole meaning has been lost in my opinion. People flock to the malls spending what they cant afford. Trying to impress children who are only happy when things have a high price tag.

Where has the Christmas spirit gone. I have fond memories as a child of receiving hand made gifts. My grandmother was a master at all things crafty. We had gingerbread houses that belonged on a magazine cover. She always made me dill pickles. I always loved finding that little treat under my tree. She made our Christmas every year with all her warmth and her little extra touches. We didn't get high price tagged store bought items. 

I had a sock monkey as a kid. It was something my grandmother made for me. Imagine trying to pass this off to today's technology hungry children. "But mom what does it do?" would be what you would expect to hear now a days. No bells no whistles just cute and made with love.I loved my sock monkey. I loved my grandmother. She is missed always. Though at Christmas I miss her the most. 

The Belt...

What is it about the belt? It has been in many a masturbatory fantasy. Its not just the belt though really its the whole experience. Daddy taking off the belt off. That sound so enticing. Now it was as I said the fuel for many a fantasy. Long before I ever met Daddy. One often wonders if the fantasy will hold up real time. Well this particular not only lived up but exceeded expectations. 


The whole you have been a very bad girl and Daddy is going to punish you scenario. When Daddy gets out the belt. I am really in for it. I have actually orgasmed while he has taken the belt to me. Which was totally hot. Daddy's attitude is pretty simple I am going to take it and I am going to love every minute of it.


Though I have liked a lot of different kinds of spankings. The belt is always a favorite. I have a pretty tough little ass Daddy says. The belt has left some marks though. Which oddly I enjoy. The only down side to the belt is the noise factor. So its usually saved for when we are alone. Think it might be time to work on soundproofing a room lol. 

Learning something new...

Well even after all this time its still a learning experience. We have been exploring prostate massage. I was honestly having performance anxiety over the whole issue. Daddy does so much he knows pleases me and on this one I didn't want to let him down. After a failed attempt I really did beat myself up over it. 


So Daddy suggests its time to try again. I confess I panicked a little. No not at the actual act. It was more omg I am going to fail again. So I literally was walking around all day with sweaty palms. Making this into way more than it needs to be. What if I don't make him happy what if I fail again. I don't like to disappoint him. 


Then me being me I laid it all out for him my fears and anxiety. This didn't register the way I wanted at first he seemed upset. Then it was ok lets forget it. I said no you aren't hearing me here. I want to do this. I just need to be confident is all. I want to learn. I want to please. 


So later that night I crawled into bed with him and I looked at him and said the way only I can. I need to look at this differently. I said "You know how games have a tips and hints button." That is what I need. I need you to give me the step by step encouragement. The oh that's the spot or nope you need to do this. Walk me threw it. 


Honestly it worked out great. I simply said to him. This is about your baby girl playing with you. Having fun. There shouldn't be any pressure at all. So I don't know why I was putting so much pressure on myself. Elevating the pressure and looking at it from a whole new angle did the trick. He was pleased and I was also pleased.

Time to abdicate...

Big word abdicate lol. I am ready to toss away the tiara. Unless of course I can still be his little princess. I really don't want to thought of as the queen. All proper and stuck up. I want to be that fun loving little girl he enjoys. 


Well I have had a little time to think about this. I think I am ready to bare all. That was the whole point of this blog anyway. Stepping out of my comfort zone just a little. Saying the things I am thinking without embarrassment. I mean its just words right. Its not like they will bite me lol. Daddy does bite though there is this one spot on my neck if he gets it just right well holy orgasm lol.


So on the grounded front. I am becoming complacent. I have stopped asking for things. Mostly because I felt like a nuisance  (which oddly was my father's pet name for me as a child) always looking at  him with a question. Sometimes Daddy feels questioned to death as it is. He hasn't commented on this either. 


I want to be the good girl on this one. I really do. I just am not sure which is the right way to go. I am not going to stomp around going look at me. I don't want to put him on the defensive on this either. Which can happen when you are coming off as some super needy chick. Alas that is what I am really a needy chick. 


He does take care of me in small ways that makes me realize that even distracted he still thinks of me. Like having my breakfast in the oven this morning waiting for me. I also take care of him in small ways. I guess it cant be fireworks all the time. Lets face it fireworks are damn exciting.

Winter Weather has arrived...

I lost my internet and I was unable to work tries to work up a convincing pout. Daddy calls says I am stuck in a ditch. I said I am internetless. So its a toss up lol. 


Daddy finally made it home fixed my internet adds real pout here lol. The up side it can only go up from here today right. Movie night with the kids tonight. Then some alone time I hope. 

Spanking the Queen...

Where is my tiara? I seem to have lost it. Well that's how Daddy describes spanking me. Like I am this super classy proper chick who likes a good spanking. Most men want a lady they can take out who's a real slut in the bedroom. 


So we have been at this 9 years now and I still have this mental block. Its not that I think I am to good or proper to talk like a total slut. I just can't seem to ever get the words out. We aren't the type of couple who plays once in awhile either. I have a list of bondage furniture that would make most ladies envious. So why this mental block. I have seen in chat rooms where women openly talk about how much they love to suck cock. How they seem to only want to discuss their last sexual encounter in full detail. Why am I such a prude when it comes to talking about sex. Trust me we have had some pretty hard core sessions but my attitude afterwards is always shhhh! lets not talk about it lol. 


Now this little quirk,mental block or whatever you want to call it probably doesn't result from a repressed childhood. Sex was openly discussed sometimes inappropriately and at the most inappropriate times lol. Like at the dinner table. My mother wasn't shy on the subject at all. My father would have not been so open. 


Actually when I started this blog I wondered if I would again suffer this mental block. It appears to be the case. Why can't I be explicit? Would anyone read my drivel if I don't toss in the gory details? Should that even matter? 


Poor Daddy, who has given me more than one blog title, is probably afraid to say anything ever again lol. I often ask him how he puts up with me when I can be such an uptight prude. Why after all this time can't I go there. He has certainly done plenty of interesting things to me which I thoroughly enjoyed. I want to give him the whole package though. I want to be able to say what I am thinking. I surely have no problem letting him know what I am thinking on any other topic. 


Daddy says tomorrows topic is figging and fisting....So glad the man has a sense of humor otherwise he wouldn't be able to put up with me at all lol.

Cold Bubbly and a Toasty Tush

That's how we celebrated our anniversary. Hard to believe we have been together for 9 years. What isn't as hard to believe is how much I still love him. I am still always happy to see him walk in the door. 


These have been some interesting years. We have had our trials, our tribulations but through it all we hung tight together. The man did set the bar pretty high from the very beginning and after 9 years he can still surprise me. 


Sometimes I think being D/s has only made us stronger. The foundation of our relationship is always there. When outside pressures seep in and life gets in the way. There is a comfort there for me  knowing that at the end of the day, which I still say is my favorite part of the day, I will be cuddled in his arms safe and secure. We really do try not to let anything interfere with our time.


So for our anniversary even mother nature was cooperative. We got to sneak out to our little hide away as we have had some rather mild weather as of late. So as noise wasn't an issue which it sometimes is. We were able to really enjoy our time together. This man knows how to spank some ass. He knows exactly what gets me hot. He knows my combination so to speak lol. Two to the right one to the left and off I go lol. I love that he knows me so well. 

If brains were nickels...

These people would be broke. I work for and with the terminally stupid. I actually work in a unique environment. I guess you could say my job description is customer service, entertainment, and tech support. All from the comfort of my own home. Which sounds terrific til you have kids lol. Thankfully I am known as the multitasking queen. 

I often wonder how I managed to find myself trying to entertain people all day long. Amuse them I do. Usually I can see the same people my whole shift. They ask the same stupid questions over and over day after day. 

Today I just don't feel entertaining. I don't want to listen to them whine. I want to just close it all down and crawl back into bed. My sinuses are acting up and my eyes are all puffy which makes staring at a screen trying to think of something witty just beyond me today. 

Ok sorry for the whine fest guess these people are wearing on me lol. Come back tomorrow hopefully i will have something more positive to say. 

Anniversary

So we are laying in bed this morning and Daddy says "What would you like to do tomorrow?" I said what would you like to do tomorrow. He says well its 9 years since I collared you tomorrow. Now I knew that had even been thinking about it myself. I was just not caffeinated yet. 


That's why I love him I never have to remind him. He never forgets our anniversary. So after giving it some thought I finally told him what I would like to do for our anniversary. I am not nearly as sentimental as he is. Though he is rubbing off on me and the joke is because we do lots of rubbing lol.


So I asked Daddy if we could renew our contract sort of a renewal of our vows. When we started out we were Master slave and as our relationship has changed its time to reflect that. I also suggested we could have copious amounts of sex as well. 


Happy Anniversary Daddy! 

Return to Bitch Mountain...

That's what Daddy said to me. If I ever return to bitch mountain. He will gladly repeat the experience. What I think I need him to understand is I don't want to ever go there again. I had lost my way. I am not a SAM. Though he has said that to me before. What I am is someone who was seeking attention. I freely admit that. It felt like I was being buried under all kinds of outside pressures. He even more so. The problem sometimes is when I have all the outside pressures I want to escape. I want to stop thinking about all that and just be the little girl he wants me to be. 

We were both equally walking around grumbling how the other wasn't meeting our needs. Forgetting the fundamental reason why we got into it in the first place. It isn't just about me. It isn't just about him either. Its a symbiotic relationship with give and take. We had a bad case of the me's. 

So after he totally blew my mind. After he rocked my world it dawned on me. I had an epiphany. That was where I went wrong. I can't submit if I am stomping around worrying about where is mine. I said that to him too. I forgot what I got into this for. I got selfish. So I am changing my outlook. 

What I said to him was I promise to stop worrying about me and throw myself into taking care of you. While you throw yourself into taking care of me. We should both come out of this happy and fulfilled. 

I don't ever want to reach the summit of bitch mountain again. I need Daddy to stop me before I get half way. I need to know that he cares enough to keep me from reaching the top again. In return I will worship him. He has brought me back it was a gift really. I wont say thank you. I will show him instead. How much it meant to me.

For an Audience

Well blogging has brought about a lot of talking. How much do I want to share. How descriptive do I want to get. Does Daddy get a complex because his activities are put on display for everyone to read. 

This morning I was sucking on his cock. Me, being the smart ass that I am, stopped and asked him "So how do you feel about me blogging about sucking your cock?" He said he has no issues with what I write because I am tactful and its my blog. So when he finally came. he said "I feel like I just came for an audience." lol. 

Fortunately Daddy isn't shy like I am. If he were to start his own blog. I would probably blush a lot. He isn't afraid to share or speak frankly. Sometimes I still blush when he says something offhanded. He says its cute cause even my ears turn red. 

I also find my blogging has also given him more insight. He gets to read what I am thinking. Though for every blog entry he usually gets an email that has more intimate details or more insight. Communication is the key. What works what doesn't. We have been doing a lot of talking. Which we had stopped doing for awhile. Got comfortable in the same ole routines. Changing things up and bring back a little spontaneity is good.  

Drop Fall Crash Bang!

All of those happened. I just read my blog post from yesterday. I am surprised it made any sense at all. I was totally useless yesterday I am glad nobody asked me my name lol. 


Talk about reaching the sky and then plummeting back to earth with no parachute. That's how I feel today. Like coming back from a long trip. A very pleasant happy trip and back to reality. I wanted to stay there I didn't want to come back. I feel like I was drug back kicking and screaming. Then its trying to explain it. That's what Daddy wants feedback. 


Ok so feedback. My first reply to that was holy batman that was the most intense awesome your a total God experience. That's not even an exaggeration. The problem is I don't remember the details not now anyway snippets maybe but I was so far gone the world stopped. I am a woman I deal in feelings and it felt like an almost out of body experience. 


Daddy says he felt a drop too and a little out of sorts. I am far more interested myself in what he got out of it. I guess I didn't want to go to that place alone. He rocked my world. Shook the very foundation. All I need to know is that he got something out of it besides having to drag me kicking and screaming back to reality.