A funny thing happened.......

While I am grounded and asking for everything. I am not being censored here in my blog. Daddy says this is my outlet and he will not censor me in any way.

So being grounded has not made me a sullen cranky pouty brat. If anything I am thriving. He even has commented that with how I am reacting to this I might be grounded for life. Its the security of it the closeness of it. The fact he takes the time to notice. Lets face it that's all a girl really wants. Being able to be who you are. He is taking control which i need. He is also letting me know my efforts have not gone unnoticed but that doesn't mean I am in any way off the hook for my out of control behavior.



The part I regret most is how mean I was.Not trusting him to be there. When he has always been there. The part I grapple with most is the emotional aspects. Do what you will to my body but emotionally I hold back. I keep that little part of me to myself. Then when I finally get emotional its destructive. I spent my whole life keeping them bottled up. I learned to build a wall. You cant hurt me because I don't care. I also have a smart assed answer for everything. Another defence mechanism. Can I surrender? It's not that I don't want to but what if you take that leap of faith and find out the pool is empty. What if my need outweighs his desire for control? The better question is. Why can't I just go with it why must I always second guess, over analyze and talk myself out of the very thing  I desire most.

Grounded

Yes you read that right. Well I am officially grounded totally reigned in. Have to ask for everything. Even this blog post. How does one get grounded. I went off the deep end really. I got  drunk and let loose like an insane person. I ranted I raved. I was not only loud and obnoxious. I was down right cruel. Now this isn't my nature but you put me pissy and a bottle of booze together and that adds up to disaster on a huge scale. 


I took a simple little comment and turned it into an hour and half long tirade. He was tired and I took a personal affront to the way he presented it to me. Now I feel like shit because you cant take back all the mean things you say. I am totally embarrassed by my outburst. 


So what does Daddy do? Gives me more instead of less. He is taking total control for awhile. I will be required to ask for everything. He suggested this is going to be more than a few days. I deserve this and more for my actions. I know he will punish me as hard and as often as he desires. 


I being me want to thank him for this. I expected rejection which is how i got in this mess in the first place letting my insecurities  run a muck as well as my mouth. 


Any blog posts will be by permission only for awhile. 

Sincerely Yours

Daddy and I were talking and he said what he loves most about me is I am devoted. He said no matter what it is there is sincerity in everything that I do whether its a back rub or a blow job. Its obvious to him that I am not just trying to please him there is something I get out of doing it.  


Even when life gets crazy and nothing is going right. My first concern is always him. How he is coping and is there anything I can do to elevate some of the pressure. We are like any other couple there are waves. The whole relationship ebbs and flows. Sometimes its not rosy. Even in the rough times when we aren't pleased with things there is still an underline of mutual respect and caring. 


What Daddy doesn't realize sometimes is that its easy to be sincere. With all he gives me in return, that it all balances out. Submission isn't something I do for him alone. There is a need in me that he brings out.