Tied up on Tuesday

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Panties to be or not to be

When Daddy and I first got together our dynamic was different. The rule was no panties. Well our dynamic changed and so has this particular rule. Now he not only wants me to wear panties he actually likes buying them for me. He actually just called me while he was out to tell me he bought me new ones. 

There is something to be said for knowing he will pull them down and spank me like a naughty girl. I cant wait to see what he bought. Does  your Dom/Daddy/Master use the term of your choice let you wear panties and if so does he buy them for you? Inquiring minds want to know.

Confession is good for the soul

It also makes for a sore ass. Which I am loving. I think Daddy is enjoying it as well. In the last couple of days its been paddle, belt and cane. There is also talk of buying more. The truth is getting a good ass beating brings out something in me. It has a calming effect that he noticed instantly. I said its like a good beating is better than prozac and cheaper to boot. 


So this doesn't make me a SAM. I really do try to please. He joked guess beating wouldn't be much of a punishment now would it. I am not sure that is actually the case. Many have blogged on the different kind of spankings there are. From sensual to maintenance and all the ones in between. I guess I am much relieved he isn't scared by this need. There was a part of me that was afraid he would not be able to take the next step and find his inner Sadist. Oh to my delight there is one in there. Now to convince him to come out and play. Its like a whole new world has opened up and the sky is the limit. 

You should have said so..

So I had a dirty little secret. One I have been keeping to myself mostly because honestly I didn't want to freak him out. Lets face it sometimes you do sit there and think to yourself what the hell is wrong with me for getting off on this anyway. Or at least that thought goes through my head often enough. 


I, of course, confess this little secret not in a calm rational here it is kind of way. I blurt it out in a moment of anger. The problem being Daddy never forgets a word of what I say so it came back to haunt me. 


The big secret I revealed to Daddy was the need for pain. He has the quiet take care of you Dom approach. There are times he lets things slide because I am having such a rough day. While honestly inside I was crying out for it. Needing him to not go easy on me at all but in fact the complete opposite. 


So as I said my words came back to haunt me as always. He got out the cane. He beat my ass hard for no other reason than because I needed it. I actually had an orgasm while he beat me. I also squirted when he fucked me after. Hard the way he knows I love it. So my secret is out.  Daddy simply said "Well you should have said so." I am a little relieved and a little sore today.


I actually felt the need to apologize feeling like this somehow made me defective. The only thing that made me feel better was all the like minded bloggers who seek the same thing in different forms. I may think myself a freak sometimes but I am heartened I am not alone. 

So I am naked?!?!

Wonder what Freud would say about this? I have been having a reaccuring dream that I find myself in really social and awkward situations naked. Noticeably naked and feeling embarrassed and reaching for something to cover myself. Why I would be strolling through the mall totally naked and only realizing it when someone sees me is the question. This is a dream I have often and though I do walk around unabashedly naked in front of Daddy I don't think I have the least little bit of exhibitionism in me at all. 


So on a more interesting note. This happened while I was totally awake. Daddy said earlier in the day I bought myself some bondage and this girl is a bondage slut for sure. So when he later was saying he was not feeling well and he was tired. I automatically assumed that said plans were to be put on hold. He tells me often not to guess. As lets face it if given 2 options I will pick the wrong one almost every time lol. So when he comes upstairs and I am not wearing my favorite restraints he eyes me and says well why are they not on. Then I do the shrug. Well you said you weren't feeling well and I was kindly giving you an out. I am so thoughtful that way. 


So usually bondage for me is face down ass in the right position for a proper beating. Much to my surprise Daddy opted for face up which had me intrigued to say the least. He starts working my clit and it takes no time at all to get me writhing in pleasure. Then he starts working his fingers in starting with one and then two. This is when he decides we should talk about the possibility of fisting.  Now I am cumming like crazy and he has all 4 of his fingers in me when he smacks my pussy and well off I went good thing i was tied down lol. After he let me catch my breath and untied me. He brought it up again. He said though he couldn't at this point fist me. It is something he would like to work towards...... then he says not just your pussy either. That's when I started to panic a little. Uhm ok I said now at least my pussy has had 3 children come from there so a fist should not be terribly damaging done right. He says omg I think you would love it and cum like you never have before. 


So me being the total wise ass looked at him and said. My brain, my mouth, my ass and left tit all voted no on fisting my ass. He looked at me curiously and said what your right tit is all for it then. I said no the right one abstained because it heard you were a pincher. So on a much more serious note its something to work up to maybe something we might never be successful at sure but oh the fun to be had trying. I guess I am not saying no I am just saying lets wait and see how she goes. 

Paddles Belts and not enough time in the day...

So back on track feels good. The only problem right now is nobody else will cooperate. Kid having half days, weather and snow days. All I want is a damn vacation. Some serious alone time I almost forget what that is even like anymore. Daddy has been talking new paddles and I pouted going we don't really use the ones we have right now. Today before work Daddy took the belt to my ass again. We were trying out our new find. I would have liked more but timing is everything lol. We were running late as it was and work was beckoning me. I didn't want to answer but alas always the reliable one. 

Daddy actually bought 2 belts one we have yet to test. I am thinking I need to do the pepsi challenge lol. These were little surprise gifts he left displayed on my pillow. Then he says left ya something upstairs lol. Well  I think I am indeed a pain slut because just seeing them got me all excited and waiting made me pouty. The fun stuff always makes to much noise lol. 

So we have been discussing the whole pain thing. I also wanted to explore the begging thing more. Then to go further I wonder his thoughts on tears. This is a turn on for some. Not so much for others. We have yet to go that far. Mostly because I often feel emotionally stunted. I spent so many years on the defensive and with the smart mouth being my only weapon. These are hard habits to break. You cant make me cry because I don't care was my motto for years. Now I find myself a complete wreck and crying often for no reason. This is really taking its toll on both of us. The stress, the pressure, the need to please. So that's where the whole beat me til I cry comes in. Thinking of it almost like therapy a controlled release of emotions pent up. I once explained it like this....

Think of me like a pressure cooker. Steaming away til the pressure gets so great you either have to release some or the thing explodes. I sometimes feel I am ready to just explode. So I need the emotional release that comes with the rough hard down right brutal usage. He sometimes holds back fearing really hurting me I think. Then again I over think things til I make myself crazy. 

And She Returns...

I would love to say I haven't blogged because I was all tied up but alas no. We had some personal issues and bumps in the road and I promised myself this blog would not turn into a I hate my life diatribe so I stopped writing. 

We seem to be back on track. I do know a combination of things have kept our focus on other things. I am hoping that we can again find ourselves and again enjoy time together. Daddy has so much on his plate and I sometimes feel I am another chore for him to take care of. Where did the fun go is what I asked him. We are supposed to be having fun at this. We need us time. 

We have gotten back into it. Daddy has a whole new zeal for it. I am just glad to have him back. We are again talking which everyone knows is the first and most important part of all this. Though I am still having issues asking for what I need. I have been trying. I told him I need more. More what is the question. More hands on. I do love his hands on me. I did ask if we could explore some things. Like I appear to be a pain slut. I would love to delve into that a little more. Apparently I have also developed an appreciation for anal sex. Though I guess I have always secretly wanted more the idea of asking for more made me blush to say the least. Good girls don't do that and mamma raised a good girl here. Apparently good girls can beg for it under the right conditions. When he gets me to that point I am totally his. That's what I need sometimes to just be able to let go and say what I want or beg as the case may be. 

I think begging is so damn hot. I love it. There is something so erotic about saying please Daddy... and knowing he will gladly oblige me. That's how its been for the last few days. Me just being able to let go and beg for it. So I am back and blogging. Daddy said when I was ready to return to blogland it was up to me. He seemed to like being able to read it and get a little insight into what really goes on in my over active mind.