Friday, December 9, 2011

Learning something new...

Well even after all this time its still a learning experience. We have been exploring prostate massage. I was honestly having performance anxiety over the whole issue. Daddy does so much he knows pleases me and on this one I didn't want to let him down. After a failed attempt I really did beat myself up over it. 

So Daddy suggests its time to try again. I confess I panicked a little. No not at the actual act. It was more omg I am going to fail again. So I literally was walking around all day with sweaty palms. Making this into way more than it needs to be. What if I don't make him happy what if I fail again. I don't like to disappoint him. 

Then me being me I laid it all out for him my fears and anxiety. This didn't register the way I wanted at first he seemed upset. Then it was ok lets forget it. I said no you aren't hearing me here. I want to do this. I just need to be confident is all. I want to learn. I want to please. 

So later that night I crawled into bed with him and I looked at him and said the way only I can. I need to look at this differently. I said "You know how games have a tips and hints button." That is what I need. I need you to give me the step by step encouragement. The oh that's the spot or nope you need to do this. Walk me threw it. 

Honestly it worked out great. I simply said to him. This is about your baby girl playing with you. Having fun. There shouldn't be any pressure at all. So I don't know why I was putting so much pressure on myself. Elevating the pressure and looking at it from a whole new angle did the trick. He was pleased and I was also pleased.

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